Chess Jokes:

(i) My wife threw out my Fritz Trainer DVD on 1 d4 openings the other day, when I got angry she said,'I thought you said throw out the Tarrasch'.

(ii) A King and pawn go into a Ferrari car showroom and the pawn says'I want that ferrari, please', the assistant looks at them suspicious 'You know that costs 250,000 pounds ?', he states. 'Yes, its alright shes being promoted' says the King.

(iii) An icelandic guy went to the 1972 Fischer-Spassky match and directly infront of him he noticed the only free seat in the auditorium. He was confused by this so asked the person sitting next to the empty seat,'do you know why the seat is empty'. An american guy answered 'yes, it was my wifes seat, she has passed away sadly, i'm deverstated'

'well thats sad, did you not have a friend that could come in her place?', asked the icelander. The american replied 'No they are all at the funeral'.

(iv) Why was Santa Claus particularly good at chess? Because he kept sacking a load of material.

(v) I went into my local library and said to the librarian that the chess books are not in the usual place. "I know," said the librarian, "...they've moved!"